Dear Lucy,
Who do you think are better, dogs or cats? I could be a cat or I could be a dog.
Signed,
Wondering

Dear Wondering,
It depends what you mean by "better." If you mean superior in every possible conceivable way, then I would have to say cats. But by reading "between the lines" of your question, and that, Dear, is what is called an "expression" (you can't REALLY read "between the lines," Dear), I believe you have a more important question you have failed to ask. Why would anyone even pretend that a cat might ask such a question? No cat on earth would ever ask such a question. So You, Dear Wondering Dog, need to ask your humans to help you work on what is called your "self esteem." I can't go into it all here, but I am quite certain your humans should be able to help you with it. Once you have learned what it is, Dear, and how to fix yours, I would love to hear back from you. Good luck.
Fondly,
Lucy

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Dear Lucy,
I am a dog and I live with a cat. The cat is always really mean to me and says stuff like I stink and I'm gross and why don't I just leave and not come back. Why is the cat like that to me?
Signed,
Pussy Whipped

Dear Pussy Whipped,
What, Dear, is your question?
Fondly,
Lucy

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Dear Lucy,
I've heard it said that brown is the new black. I noticed Hillary Clinton wore an all brown suit during the Democratic debate. But I have more black than brown and it's not like I can just go out and get my fur dyed every season to keep up with the fashion trends from Paris and Milan. What should I do?
Signed,
Stressed Out Fashion Diva

Dear Diva,
FINALLY a question worthy of a pixel. Brown IS NOT the new black. Brown is still brown. Black is still black. White is still white. You are undoubtedly more beautiful in your "out of date colors" than any garment of any human who ever strolled down the high fashion runway. It is simple and pure jealousy. Be glad you are who you are.
Fondly,
Lucy

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Dear Lucy,
Is it possible to give my lover a truly romantic and special Valentine's Day gift from Walgreen's?
Signed,
Desperately in Love but Financially Strapped


Dear Desperately Strapped,

It is possible though unlikely to find gifts that stir the heart of your lover at a nationwide drugstore like Walgreen's, CVS or RiteAid. The real question is why you are shopping at such a store. Is it because you think the store offers truly more cost saving choices or because you waited until the last possible second to prepare for the holiday and now you are panic shopping. I always seek to give my readers the benefit of the doubt, whether they be feline, canine or human, so I will assume it is the former. Fresh flowers, bubbling fountains, quality chocolates and even gift cards can be purchased at such establishments along with tasteless but adequate cards. Never, and I repeat, Never, should you select personal hygiene items that address body part odor problems of any nature, manual or battery operated tools and gadgets that remove undesirable body part growths and overgrowths, or generally repugnant items such as whoopee cushions for your lover. Flatulence is never funny within the sacred circle of passion and romance.
Fondly,
Lucy